


Some Mysteries Ain't Epic

by Tezca



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Gen, M/M, Mystery, No Smut, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:00:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28362807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tezca/pseuds/Tezca
Summary: When in doubt, a cigar is a cigar and not all mysteries are explained by aliens. Even if such a thing exists.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley
Kudos: 7
Collections: GO-Events Good Omens Mystery AU Event Works





	Some Mysteries Ain't Epic

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Mystery AU event on the GO Events server

The weather was warm, hot and all those other descriptors that would paint the picture of a hot summer day. Not a cloud in the sky, blue as far as the eye can see. They all might as well have travelled in time, either back or forward, take your pick, to July cause the temperature sure as hell was a reminder of a summer Texan day.

And the one that actually was born and raised here - Aziraphale - has experienced the American state long enough to agree. In fact he still lived there with his husband, Crowley and stepdaughter - actually daughter, Aziraphale adopted her - Anathema in a little town called Littlefield. Had a bookstore and everything. And if they wanted to go somewhere fancy like say the Ritz in London, well that was a possibility thanks to Crowley’s otherworldly status. 

(There's a funny thing to mention to be had, apparently the town where Aziraphale was born was also called Littlefield. Just in Afrikaans instead of English. Something to be said about the lack of creativity apparent there, well, aside from the different language and all. Could’ve been worse as he had pointed out.)

This was meant to be a one week vacation in the middle of January. A week respite from the wintery status of the northern hemisphere. A chance for Aziraphale to show the two people he cared about the most where he lived. And make no mistake here, there was no way in hell he would’ve come here on his own or for any other reason.

There was a reason why Aziraphale left for college abroad and never looked back. Actually more like a myriad of them but, one thing for damn sure, he had no intentions of ever returning.

Instead all they got was a mystery on their hands. 

The entire village population, put simply, was gone save for a sign that proclaimed ‘Welcome to Kleinveld’ that gave way to various abandoned buildings. If it wasn’t for the latter, then the former would’ve been the only indication that anyone lived in this area in the past. Unlike what one might conjure up in their mind when they think of an abandoned city, it looked as though it was abandoned recently. Everything still looked too new to say ‘oh it looked like it was deserted decades ago.’ In fact no one had been here for the last two years at least according to a newspaper left behind. But there was a good feeling in the air that Aziraphale’s hometown was headed for long term abandonment.

So right now Aziraphale stood on a sidewalk that was in one of the small residential areas. Anathema walked aimlessly around in front of him, a slight petulant demeanor, while Crowley was in the near distance with his hand outstretched. 

“I can help, I’m an occultist for fucks sake.” Anathema complained as she turned around on her heels to make a few steps trek along the width of the sidewalk. She had her arms crossed, and didn’t care if she sounded just a tad too whiny for a 24 year old.

“Yes but to be fair, your dad did say before that human based magic isn't nearly as powerful as his kind is.” Aziraphale pointed out, his hands nervously clasped together. As much as his vindictive, petty side cried out in joy that this place is basically no more, he hoped that this didn’t mean there was an imminent alien invasion on the horizon. 

Best case scenario would be the amount of people here dwindling down until the last one turned off the lights and left. And it had been 20 something years since he came here, he mustn’t forget that little important thing. Lots can happen in two decades. Even more when there was the fact that aliens exist to factor in. Thankfully, as they were told before, Earth appeared to be off limits for now as humanity was deemed not ready yet to handle the truth. To the Galactic Council, the planet was listed as a nature preserve.

(Earth wasn’t the only planet with this designation by the way, there were dozen others.)

And Crowley had come from one of the more powerful alien races out there. 

A race with stronger mental based powers and an ability to reshape reality. Well to a limit, they can’t change reality as a whole long range like, but they can change the little things around them. And Crowley used that to his advantage, how are they able to afford going to the Ritz a little more often than the average person? Never get stuck in line for too long or having to deal with telemarketers. Or keep his beloved angel’s tea or hot cocoa at a perfect temperature at all times.

And though Aziraphale admits that sort of power would be useful to have, he would rather just to do things by hand. He was too damn used to it after all given it was all he knew for most of his life. 

Anathema sighed, “I know but-” She itched to solve the mystery as much as her two dads did, “-I can do a spell that can indicate whether or not alien magic was used.”

Aziraphale raised a questioning eyebrow, an expression that screamed ‘Here is your only chance to reconsider before risking parental disapprovement’, “Isn’t that the same spell Crowley said you aren’t ready for yet?” 

There was a slight groan not unlike one would expect from someone younger than her, “Yes but I know I can do it Papi.” Anathema confidently argued, right now she stopped her pacing and was fully in front of Aziraphale, “I’ve practiced and I am also finally sure I can pronounce the spell right and-”

“Nope.” Crowley had walked up and arrived just enough to hear Anathema’s attempt at persuasion.

Anathema groaned again as she swiftly turned around. This time it was more audible and noticeably more put upon. No question where she got her dramatic tendencies from, “But dad-”

Crowley shook his head, “No, it’s still too risky for you to try right now. You need more practice with certain letters. With spells from my kind you have to be precise with intonation and all that.”

“Wait, pardon me, but can’t you do it then?” Aziraphale wondered as he faced his husband. 

“I don’t have every single spell memorized off the top of my head angel,” Crowley deadpanned as he lightly rolled his eyes.

“I have it memorized-” Anathema’s voice shot up with a bright countenance and a good amount of determination injected into her voice. 

“Answer still no. Besides I also don’t want it backfiring in any way and having those rat bastards finding me out. So that’s another reason I don’t want you attempting it.” Crowley explained with a finger pointed Anathema’s way to emphasize his point as he faced her. 

(The rat bastards in questions were Hastur and Ligur. Two other members of Crowley’s kind who long tried to search for him. Long story short, Crowley deserted their merry crew of intergalactic bandits a couple of decades ago. Logically they would have had to give up by now but the redhead tended to be on the paranoid side. He really didn’t want to cross paths with those two again, no matter what if he can help it.)

“Dad I really don’t think they’re still trying to find you,” Anathema tried to point out as calmly as she could, despite the small amount of exasperation that leaked through her voice. She always knew her dad was paranoid about anything alien related, and he had a right to be, but she felt he tended to lose his logic more often than not. “It’s been 24 years since you came to this planet. I think they would’ve given up by now.”

Crowley didn’t back down, as every good parent should. He really didn’t want to alert his former friends finding him out and bring potential harm to his family. Especially his family, he’d do anything to keep his husband and daughter safe. So any slim possibility that someone otherworldly may be alerted to any big burst of magic has set him on high alert. 

The two started at each other as if both tried to will the other to their point of view. Both had their arms crossed and for the next few seconds, it was nothing but quiet and the standdown between a determined child and their strong willed father. All that was missing really was the Wild West music that signaled a fight was about to happen at high noon.

Finally Anathema conceded with a simultaneous roll of her eyes and an annoyed huff. She turned around and promptly stomped off towards the next street of houses. There was something to be said about the sight that made Aziraphale lightly tease his husband of ten years, “It’s really no wonder where she got her dramatic tendencies from.” 

It was Crowley’s turn to roll his eyes, there was no offense in his tone. Just affectionate banter, “Oi I’m not that dramatic.”

“I would beg to differ my dear.” Aziraphale said with a knowing smile as they followed after Anathema. Crowley just let out a soft exasperated groan. Yes, pedantically speaking, Crowley adopted her when she was three and he was 21, but that didn’t change the fact she was every bit his kid. 

__________________________

Aziraphale and Anathema rooted through an abandoned small family home. So far, Crowley hadn’t found anything to suggest anything out of this world and he wanted to move the process along faster. So he took the truck to slowly drive down the deserted roads as he psychically scanned the area. It would take forever on foot otherwise. Just because Crowley put an invisible shield around them to keep them cool while out and about, doesn’t mean they wanted to spend all day just walking around.

(Although Azirapahle did like the leisurely stroll all things considered. And it was unexpectedly nice to finally say he enjoyed a day out and about in his hometown. None of that stupid ‘everyone knows everyone’ small town shit in effect. And yes there was a presence of that back home in Texas and elsewhere obviously. But the thing was, it was used against him more often than not and he eventually gave up trying to reason with any of them. And this included his family.)

“I really don’t understand, if it was indeed aliens that were behind all this then why would they pick this town of all places?” Aziraphale wondered out loud as he faced Anathema from his spot in front of the living room table. He was in process of going through the papers left behind while Anathema was at the small bookshelf. “There is nothing here for them to gain if they wanted a fast planetary takeover. They’ll be better off at Joburg. Or one of the three capitals even.”

“Yeah, but that would be obvious wouldn’t it?” Anathema began as she stopped to give it some thought. She crossed her arms as she turned to face Aziraphale, “It’ll be smarter for them to use this town as a backend to slowly infiltrate society before they made their way to one of the larger cities.” She explained matter of factly. 

“That dreadfully makes sense, and I might be just a tad biased but I think in that regard this would be the perfect place for them to start. Nobody here would be the wiser to anything that was seemingly out of the ordinary.” Azirapahle commented. The next few seconds were spent in silence as the two just stood in the summer mid-afternoon light that strewn through the open window. 

Anathema nodded as she crossed her arms. She shrugged and let out a casual sigh. In all honesty, the reason behind the town’s ‘sudden’ abandonment was because of the reason any other ghost town in the world got abandoned. Just because aliens were a thing, doesn’t mean they were behind every little bit of mystery on Earth. 

“I still don’t think aliens were the cause of all this. There are millions of others places that met the same fate and...as far as I know, aliens never factored in.” Anathema pointed out. “Besides I can’t imagine a ghost town being beneficial to them other than being a hideout.”

Aziraphale nodded, “I do agree,” He sighed softly, he had tried to calmly reason with the same sort of argument earlier, but he knew Crowley. His husband was just too worried about any sort of risk raining down upon them from outer space. He knew Crowley was just doing this out of a sense of protection, and that was admirable really. He’d do the same if the roles were reversed.

“Your dad just wants to be absolutely certain that there aren't any foul plays,” Aziraphale finished as he looked out the window then back at Anathema. A few seconds passed before he let out a light lament, “So far the oddest thing I’ve seen is someone leaving perfectly good tea behind when they left!”

Anathema lightly laughed. She may not know her tea as much Aziraphale had, but she did like to drink it. Especially on days when she felt like she wanted an extra helping of warmth and comfort all wrapped up in healthy nutrients. So she can see her point, even if she wasn’t as much of a stickler for good tea as he was.

Another fifteen minutes passed and the more they rifled through the different rooms, the more it was clear. There was no evidence of any sort of violent struggle or anything to suggest anything weird happened. Any event that would have a very human explanation behind it, like a drug raid or something more horrendous, but also have reason to cause further investigation. They were to call Crowley immediately if they found something that  _ might _ have the possibility of it being otherworldly in nature. Even if the possibility was practically nil.

It wouldn’t be good at all to dismiss it and then wake up to discover some District 9 shit happened overnight. But, as this situation increasingly sought to prove, sometimes a cigar was just a cigar. 

Soon after, the two resident Earth natives left the house and walked down the pathway just as Crowley drove up. They all met on the sidewalk and Crowley spoke as soon as he got out of the truck, “I couldn’t sense anything out of the ordinary.”

“We couldn’t find anything worth looking into either, otherwise we would’ve called.” Aziraphale said and Crowley gave a nod, it was just as much as he suspected now.

“Sounds like people just got mind numbingly bored of living here and fucked off,” Crowley lightly deadpanned with no real attempt of tact. 

Aziraphale laughed lightly, no reason for him to disagree, “Indeed. I can attest it was quite a dullard of a town.”

“So what are we doing now?” Anathema asked as she faced her two dads, they had planned to be here for about a week. It was a good question to be had.

“I suppose we can just take a mini road trip around here. No reason to leave when we just got here.” Aziraphale pointed out which was true. Their plane had arrived late the previous night and took a few hours to get here, “I can give you my version of a tour which would involve no tacky touristy spots.” Aziraphale suggested as he faced Crowley.

“I like the sound of that.”  
  



End file.
